Confidence at Work

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Confidence and self-esteem are fundamental in achieving success in both your personal and work life. Lack of confidence can be a real hindrance in your job. It could be preventing you from progressing in your company, or having a negative effect on your relationships with colleagues. Developing your confidence means you can be more in control, and enjoy things that you were previously too scared to do. You can tell people ‘no’ if you need to; you can speak self-assuredly to your boss and even ask for a pay rise.

Self-Esteem
In order to develop your confidence, you need to start on how you actually perceive yourself. Confidence will not be forthcoming if you have a low self-esteem or if you have a negative opinion of yourself. You need to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Rather than focus on your negative points, focus on the positive.

Try making an honest list of your good points. Perhaps even keep a daily journal and write down the positive things that happened to you each day. If you have handled a difficult telephone conversation well or dealt with an awkward situation with a colleague, give yourself a pat on the back. Think of all the things that have happened during the day that made you feel good. Next time you are faced with a difficult situation where your lack of confidence would normally let you down, remember how good you felt last time you dealt with a similar situation.

This will help you to focus on your positive experiences and improve your self-esteem. Also make a note of positive comments that other people make – anything from “You look good today” to “You did a really good job. Well done.”

You will find that as you start to acknowledge more positive things, you will begin to feel good about yourself and your general outlook will become more positive. It may help to read the sections on Assertiveness and Dealing with Difficult People on this site.

Fear of rejection
Nobody likes to be rejected. We may feel rejected as a child if we are told ‘no’ by our parents when we ask for something; when asking someone for a date at high school or even if we didn’t get the job following an interview. If we feel rejected, we store this feeling of hurt and pain away in our memory. We then make an unconscious decision to avoid this feeling in the future at all costs. To do this, we build walls around us to keep us safe. The walls serve to keep these hurtful experiences out. However, they also prevent us from interacting properly with the world that is on the other side. Confidence comes from having positive experiences and we cannot gain these if we are constantly hiding behind our wall.

Learn to say ‘no’
Those who lack confidence will often have a problem with telling people ‘no’. They think that it will hurt others’ feelings or that they will be perceived as unfriendly or hostile. Nobody wants to be disliked. People with less confidence especially fear using the word. Not being able to say ‘no’ at work can have detrimental effects on your personal life. For example, you may end up spending less time with your family and inadvertently causing stress at home as a result. At work, you may end up taking on too much and suffer because you are unable to do your job well.

Learning to say ‘no’ is a very powerful thing. It will not only minimise stress, it will also command a certain respect from your colleagues. People will be less likely to take advantage of your good nature if they know that you may be inclined to turn down their request. If you are asked to do something that you are unable or unwilling to do, why agree to do it simply because you are afraid of saying ‘no’? Everyone has a choice.

Thoughts that prevent you saying ‘no’:

• “Their needs are more important than mine”
• “People will feel hurt”
• “People will perceive me as cold or selfish”
• “People will think I am being hostile and will shun me”

You need to turn your thoughts around into more positive ones:

• “I have the right to say ‘no’”
• “I have the right to make a choice”
• “I have the right to say how a request inconveniences me”

When you tell someone ‘no’ it is important to be firm in the way you say it. Breathe deeply and start the answer with ‘no’. The reply should be concise but not rushed. Do not invent reasons or excuses - give the real reason. You don’t need to gush apologies – if you need to, just apologise once. If you need more time to consider the request, don’t be afraid to state this. By saying ‘no’ to other people, you are, in effect, saying ‘yes’ to your own needs and wants.

Remember, you are in control. You have a choice whether to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

Visualise your confidence
The very idea of developing your confidence may seem very daunting. You may perceive it as a risk. It may help to visualise your new confident self. Imagine how your work colleagues respect you; imagine dealing with difficult situations with ease and confidence; imagine being able to say no without feeling guilty or pressured. Think about the qualities that you bring to the company you work for. Think about the successes you may have had in your job and consider the pride you take in your work.

Key steps to improve confidence

1. Maintain a positive attitude towards yourself
2. Work on your assertiveness skills – learn how to say ‘no’.
3. Start small – don’t start with something major like asking your boss for a pay rise. Start with telling sales people ‘no’ or declining a drink with colleagues after work.
4. When faced with a difficult situation, imagine how you will deal with it, what you will say, how you will feel, and ultimately the outcome that you want from the situation. Treat it as an imaginary dress rehearsal.
5. Learn to face your fears and challenge yourself. This can really help you to grow emotionally. Start with things at home that you are always putting off e.g., looking at your budget, clearing out your spare room, or even starting a new exercise program. Once you have had some successes, no matter how small, this will bolster your confidence to enable you to tackle bigger things.
6. Learn to listen to your own feelings and needs. With the constant noise of everyday life, sometimes it can be hard to get in touch with your own needs. Take time out for yourself where you can practice self-awareness.

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